I must say I am proud of my son Teddy for not only graduating High School, but for being accepted in NYACK COLLEGE। For a kid who grew up in foster care since 5 years old that is a tremendous accomplishment. He's currently taking a 5 week summer course so he has officially started.
I just completed the trailer for the DOCUMENTARY "Truth 4 the Streets" and I believe you will be inspired to hear from Teddy and other youth like him who have been able to benefit from Beats N Blessings a ministry I started 10 years ago that has been a tool for transforming lives of disconnected youth in NYC.
Documentary "Truth 4 the Streets" Part 1
Documentary "Truth 4 the Streets" Part
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Monday, July 7, 2008
Helping Children with Severe Behaviors
This past year my wife and I have taken on one of the most challenging tasks of our lifetime and that's parenting children from foster care who have SEVERE BEHAVIORS. I just received a book as a gift from Pat Obrien Founder and Director of You Gotta Believe, The Older Child Adoption & Permanency Movement, Inc. The book is titled "Beyond Consequences, Logic and Control, A Love-Based Approach to Helping Children with Severe Behaviors" and the authors are Heather T. Forbes, LCSW, & B. Bryan Post, PhD, LCSW.
I just read the 1st chapter THE STRESS MODEL and it's main point is that children sometimes commit severe behaviors out of one the key human emotions FEAR which triggers a traumatic memory in the child which leads to a distorted way of thinking which causes the child the to behave in a severe way. Therefore the point is that these children with these traumatic experiences (Abuse, Neglect, Foster Care etc.) are unable to control how they respond to the emotion of FEAR.
Maybe this will help you to understand better. This is a story that actually happen in my home with one of my kids. One of my boys wakes up in the morning to find that his bike is missing from his room. A bike that was there last night when he went to sleep and he locked it up with the combination lock I gave him for it. After finding out the bike was missing my wife and I confronted his brother who was the only person to leave the house at that time in the morning and the only one who knew the number to the lock. He had just returned with sweat on his face and my wife asked him where is your brother's bike? He said he didn't know he was just in front of the house. We had 4 other boys still in bed at the time and plus they didn't know the number to the combination lock. I assumed well he's lying about not having taken the bike out the house because maybe someone stole it from him. After asking him over and over again where was the bike he kept replying with an bad attitude I don't know I didn't touch it leave me alone. You can imagine how I felt about this especially since It was a new bike that I had just purchased for $500. It cost so much because it's a special mountain bike that I got for him so he can bike with me on the mountain bike trails at Cunningham park in Queens, NY. I thought well someone must of stole the bike and he doesn't want to admit because he's scared or FEARFUL of what he thinks can happen to him if he tells us that he got up early in the morning and took his brother's bike out without asking. So I jumped in my car thinking the theft couldn't have got that far so I'm going to drive around in my car looking for him so I can recover this $500 bike I just purchased. I drive around with his brother looking for the bike and it's no where to be found. We get back home and he's playing video games and I ask him again did someone steal the bike from you? Once again with a bad attitude He tells me no I told you I didn't touch the bike leave me alone. I said which way did the theft go with the bike? He tells me I didn't touch it someone else could have took it out the house why don't you ask them where it is. I said they are all still in bed you are the only one who got up extra early and left the house without even asking if you can go out. Plus I heard you bring the bike down the stairs when you left out the house this morning. He said well did you look in the backyard for the bike. I go running out to the backyard and low and behold the bike is in the backyard. I also realize that the front of my BMW is scratched up from someone who tried to squeeze through my drive way to take the bike in the backyard and the pedal scratched up my car. I called him outside and asked him why didn't you just tell me you put the bike in the backyard. He continued to lie with the same attitude. I let it go and I just had to come to the conclusion that he was operating out of the emotion of FEAR and it triggered a traumatic memory from his past which led him to lie because he believed that if he told the truth about taking his brothers bike out without asking he would be disciplined (be grounded). Being that he's in foster care he has experienced past trauma from being moved around so much and having lost his family, his father who is incarcerated and his mom who abandoned the family and lives down south. So being that he was afraid of being disciplined he decided to lie. Maybe he thought that I would call the foster care agency and have him removed and he was afraid of loosing another family and a great home.
This is an example of how the STRESS MODEL played out in my family. As I continue reading the book Beyond Consequences, Logic and Control I will try to update my blog regularly with real life experiences, so stay tuned.
Signing out Craig S.O.G. PEACE! SHALOM!!!!!!!!
I just read the 1st chapter THE STRESS MODEL and it's main point is that children sometimes commit severe behaviors out of one the key human emotions FEAR which triggers a traumatic memory in the child which leads to a distorted way of thinking which causes the child the to behave in a severe way. Therefore the point is that these children with these traumatic experiences (Abuse, Neglect, Foster Care etc.) are unable to control how they respond to the emotion of FEAR.
Maybe this will help you to understand better. This is a story that actually happen in my home with one of my kids. One of my boys wakes up in the morning to find that his bike is missing from his room. A bike that was there last night when he went to sleep and he locked it up with the combination lock I gave him for it. After finding out the bike was missing my wife and I confronted his brother who was the only person to leave the house at that time in the morning and the only one who knew the number to the lock. He had just returned with sweat on his face and my wife asked him where is your brother's bike? He said he didn't know he was just in front of the house. We had 4 other boys still in bed at the time and plus they didn't know the number to the combination lock. I assumed well he's lying about not having taken the bike out the house because maybe someone stole it from him. After asking him over and over again where was the bike he kept replying with an bad attitude I don't know I didn't touch it leave me alone. You can imagine how I felt about this especially since It was a new bike that I had just purchased for $500. It cost so much because it's a special mountain bike that I got for him so he can bike with me on the mountain bike trails at Cunningham park in Queens, NY. I thought well someone must of stole the bike and he doesn't want to admit because he's scared or FEARFUL of what he thinks can happen to him if he tells us that he got up early in the morning and took his brother's bike out without asking. So I jumped in my car thinking the theft couldn't have got that far so I'm going to drive around in my car looking for him so I can recover this $500 bike I just purchased. I drive around with his brother looking for the bike and it's no where to be found. We get back home and he's playing video games and I ask him again did someone steal the bike from you? Once again with a bad attitude He tells me no I told you I didn't touch the bike leave me alone. I said which way did the theft go with the bike? He tells me I didn't touch it someone else could have took it out the house why don't you ask them where it is. I said they are all still in bed you are the only one who got up extra early and left the house without even asking if you can go out. Plus I heard you bring the bike down the stairs when you left out the house this morning. He said well did you look in the backyard for the bike. I go running out to the backyard and low and behold the bike is in the backyard. I also realize that the front of my BMW is scratched up from someone who tried to squeeze through my drive way to take the bike in the backyard and the pedal scratched up my car. I called him outside and asked him why didn't you just tell me you put the bike in the backyard. He continued to lie with the same attitude. I let it go and I just had to come to the conclusion that he was operating out of the emotion of FEAR and it triggered a traumatic memory from his past which led him to lie because he believed that if he told the truth about taking his brothers bike out without asking he would be disciplined (be grounded). Being that he's in foster care he has experienced past trauma from being moved around so much and having lost his family, his father who is incarcerated and his mom who abandoned the family and lives down south. So being that he was afraid of being disciplined he decided to lie. Maybe he thought that I would call the foster care agency and have him removed and he was afraid of loosing another family and a great home.
This is an example of how the STRESS MODEL played out in my family. As I continue reading the book Beyond Consequences, Logic and Control I will try to update my blog regularly with real life experiences, so stay tuned.
Signing out Craig S.O.G. PEACE! SHALOM!!!!!!!!
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Pitbull Pups 4 sale
Our dogs Tyson and Diamonds just had a litter of 8 pure breed pitbulls. Pitbulls are very loving and gentle dogs. They have been given a bad rap like most of our kids in the ghetto have. We just sold out all of the dogs but we think we have a new litter on the way in a couple of months. So stay tuned. www.myspace.com/pitbulldiary
Teddy Graduated High School
We are so proud of our son Teddy Smith. He graduated High School despite the traumatic experience of growing up in foster cares since age 5. He is on his way to Nyack College this fall. He graduated in the middle of the school year. Teddy met so many friends in school and he was able to bring many of them to church and saw many of them become saved. It's amazing they way God has used him since he got saved a few years ago. We know that God has great plans for him.
Planet Bboy Movie
I took my son Jairus to see Planet Bboy in Manhattan last Saturday. It's an awesome movie. We met the director and a
an actor from Step Up 2. My son really enjoyed himself and it was a wonderful night out at the movies for us.
Friday, March 21, 2008
Movie Planet B boy
Movie Recommendation Planet B boy
I want to recommend that you take your child to see "Planet B boy". It just came out today. You will really get some cool points if you take your child out to see this movie.
Here are some reviews
“This crowd-pleasing doc is a literally head-spinning tribute to hip-hop
globalization!” - New York Magazine
"No one ever told Europe and Asia that break dancing was over. Now they
are at the forefront of a growing international art form. This new
generation has invented a movement." - The New York Times
I want to recommend that you take your child to see "Planet B boy". It just came out today. You will really get some cool points if you take your child out to see this movie.
Here are some reviews
“This crowd-pleasing doc is a literally head-spinning tribute to hip-hop
globalization!” - New York Magazine
"No one ever told Europe and Asia that break dancing was over. Now they
are at the forefront of a growing international art form. This new
generation has invented a movement." - The New York Times
Conduct Sheet
A Conduct Sheet is a great tool that parents and teachers use to help manage a child's behavior.
Here's a story about my experience with using one.
I went up to one of my kids school the other day the and his teacher began to complain to me about his behavior in class. So I asked her to give me a conduct sheet. You may be asking, "what is a conduct sheet?" Well that's a sheet that's used by the teachers at the end of each class to grade the child's behavior. When he came home that day I requested the conduct sheet and noticed that he tried to change one of the grades from an N (needs improvement) to an S (satisfactory). The teacher even noted at the bottom of the page that he tried to change the grade, so he was caught in the act. At first he tried to justify his acting out in class but I wasn't going for that and had told him that I expect to see an improvement the next time around but, I made sure to praise him for each class where he had good behavior and for doing his work.
Here's a story about my experience with using one.
I went up to one of my kids school the other day the and his teacher began to complain to me about his behavior in class. So I asked her to give me a conduct sheet. You may be asking, "what is a conduct sheet?" Well that's a sheet that's used by the teachers at the end of each class to grade the child's behavior. When he came home that day I requested the conduct sheet and noticed that he tried to change one of the grades from an N (needs improvement) to an S (satisfactory). The teacher even noted at the bottom of the page that he tried to change the grade, so he was caught in the act. At first he tried to justify his acting out in class but I wasn't going for that and had told him that I expect to see an improvement the next time around but, I made sure to praise him for each class where he had good behavior and for doing his work.
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